Monday, April 17, 2006

It could be hormones but the last two days have sucked royally. I've spent hours alone watching movie after movie on my laptop, text messaging every person in my phone that is in town (which is a very small group of people) to no avail. I have this huge fear that I will leave this experience without any friends. The two people I really feel like I've connected with want to leave Prague as soon as possible. I don't, so they can be quite depressing to be with all the time. And my roommates apparently don't think I exist.

So I have exactly one month to turn the last three months around and find a BFF. I hate this stupid social anxiety I apparently suffer from. Why am I a completely different person in different situations? I really hate the person I've turned into since I've been here. No wonder I'm lonely.

I am going to a jazz club tonight with a group of nice, if not a little nerdy, people from my program. Things are already looking up but its difficult to get out of a funk. I just needed to verbalize this. This has been festering for a long time. I'm very proud of myself that I haven't gone into every single crappy thing my roommates and other people on my program have done to me, or in most cases, not done to me. I cannot wait to return to my friends at home. But I cannot fathom that I have to leave this amazing city behind. *Sigh*

And no, I haven't gotten whacked on the behind. I won't lie, I'm actually a little disappointed.